Wacky Stuff

'Hi! Welcome back from your coma!' - Where Rrejected Greeting Cards Go To Die

Some were sent away for being too profane, others for making snide comments at inopportune times. Now the greeting cards that never made it to the stores hang solemnly on a wall at Hallmark Cards Inc.

For employees at Hallmark's Shoebox division who make their living writing humorous greetings, only a small fraction of their work does end up as cards for birthdays, holidays and special occasions. The best of the rest are brought to their final resting place -- a giant fabric "NO" along one office wall.

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What My Mother Taught Us

1. Mother taught us TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. Mother taught us RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. Mother taught us about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. Mother taught us LOGIC.
" Because I said so, that's why."

5. Mother taught us MORE LOGIC.
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. Mother taught us FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an accident."

7. Mother taught us IRONY.
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. Mother taught us about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. Mother taught us about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. Mother taught us about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all those peas are gone."

11. Mother taught us about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. Mother taught us about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. Mother taught us the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world and I can take you out."

14. Mother taught us about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. Mother taught us about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. Mother taught us about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17.Mother taught us about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18 Mother taught us MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. Mother taught us ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. Mother taught us HUMOR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. Mother taught us HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. Mother taught us GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. ! Mother taught us about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. Mother taught us WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand"

25. And my favorite: - Mother taught us about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids and I hope they turn out just like you

Try It...Make My Day

OUCH

Honest Homeless

Do You Live In 2005?

You know you're living in 2005 when...

1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards lately.
3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3.
4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail addresses.
6. You go home after a long day at work you still answer the phone in a business manner.
7. You make phone calls from home, you accidentally dial "9" to get an outside line.
8. You've sat at the same desk for four years and worked for three different companies.
10. You learn about your redundancy on the 11 o'clock news.
11. Your boss doesn't have the ability to do your job.
12. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home
13. Every commercial on television has a website at the bottom of the screen.
14. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it.
15. You get up in the morning and go on-line before getting your coffee.
16. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. :)
17. You're reading this and nodding and laughing.
18 . You know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
19. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list.
20. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list.

AND NOW YOU'RE LAUGHING at yourself.

Are You Confused?